On this episode of She Makes Money Moves, host Samantha Barry speaks to women about the awkwardness that can arise when friends in different financial situations go on trips or out to dinner together. She talks with Ciera Slaughter, a 25-year-old who makes $18,000 a year, and whose friends donât understand why she canât go out with them more frequently, as well as 36-year-old Audra von Mindan, who owns her own construction company and has hundreds of thousands of dollars in investments, and whose friends will sometimes expect her to pick up the check more often than sheâs comfortable with. Then Samantha sits down with Stephanie OâConnell, who was once broke but now has a good handle on her finances, about how best to manage their friendsâ financial expectations, what financial buckets we should be putting our money into, and why women shouldnât be intimidated by investing.
Ciera has wanted to move to New York City for awhile, but without the capital to finance the move, sheâs stuck two hours outside the city, living with her parents and commuting to her two part-time jobs. She recently quit one of her jobs to focus on finding full-time work, and says her friends donât seem to understand that without a job, she doesnât have any money to spend. âTheyâre just like, âYou have free time. So now spend that free time and money with me.â And Iâm like, âThatâs not how it works. When you donât have a job, you donât have an income.ââ Another hardship is weddings; whether youâre in them or just a guest, there are gifts, parties, and dresses to purchase that can be a real strain for her. âIâm super happy for you, so thankful that you asked me...Itâs just like a cruel joke where itâs probably the poorest Iâm going to be in my life.âÂ
Audraâs father was a financial planner, so he started her early in life learning about the value of investing money, compounding interest, and making your money work for you. She started her Roth IRA when she was only 15 years old. She also founded her own construction company, which stands to make around $3 million in profits. âWhen I go out for dinner or drinks with friends who I know who are strugglingâŚI try to be generous and pick up tabs...where itâs appropriate,â she says. But sometimes this causes friction with other friends. She also has trouble sharing her investment expertise with her friends. âEven when youâre trying to offer something helpful or you know that you can help someone, itâs hard to find the right words or learn how to communicate...where it can actually be received in a useful way.âÂ
Stephanie has plenty of tips for both women; if youâre a Ciera, try being the planner, she suggests. âIf you're the one who says, âLet's get together,â you have more options to dictate what that looks like...something that's really within your budget and within everybody's budget.â Samantha and Stephanie discuss how best to budget for a big move, side hustles Ciera can get into, and how to have the awkward conversation with the bride when you canât afford to be in her wedding. âWe really back away from uncomfortable conversations and trust me, I understand,â Stephanie says, âbut we should be more uncomfortable about putting ourselves into further debt or putting ourselves into a precarious financial situation than we are about having a hard conversation with someone who should be one of our best friends.â
For Audra, Stephanie says there are two rules for giving financial advice: âOne, don't do it unsolicited. Two, don't do it judgmentally. So someone is coming to her and asking her advice...framing it through the lens of what's worked and not worked for her personally, rather than being prescriptive or judgmental about how that person is spending their money or saving their money or not.â Stephanie also loves how aggressively Audra saved and invested her money throughout her life and encourages women not to be intimidated by investment products: a 401K plan through an employer is a great way to start, she says. âYou learn about investing by doing it,â she says.Â
Join Stephanie and Samantha as they discuss moving costs, the importance of emergency fallback funds, long-term financial planning, and plenty of tips for all the Cieras and Audras out there about how to talk to your friends about money, on this episode of She Makes Money Moves.Â
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